if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
