I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize