PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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