Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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