so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My feet surprised me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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