Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize