I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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