i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
