I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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