i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize