cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
