We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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