I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
