I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
