And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize