I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
