ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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