Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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