Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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