I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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