lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
