Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
