Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
