I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
