Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
