When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
