actually, I'm a sock model
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
