69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
