WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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