Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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