Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
