Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
