He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
