but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
