im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
