so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
