Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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