you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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