you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
