getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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