So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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