Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
