your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
