isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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