I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
