I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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