girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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