How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
