How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
