billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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