We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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