Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
