went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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