just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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