haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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