The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
