Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
