Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
