You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
