If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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