I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Everything about him screamed your future.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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