so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
