im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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