I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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