My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
