Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
