Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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