Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
