Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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