he wants to bone in the snuggie
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
