I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
