Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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