I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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