is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
