And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
